You can tell a lot about a person by how – or if – they use this word:

Sorry.

The meaning and authenticity of this word changes according to how it’s
used:

“Sorry”

“I’m sorry”

“Soz”

“I’m sorry that I…”

“I’m sorry if you feel that…”

“I’m sorry if you think that…”

“I’m sorry that you…”

There is also another word that can be used which has the same meaning:

“I apologise”

“Please accept my apologies”

“My apologies…”

“My sincere apologies”

But some people never say either
word:

“…”

Sorry. A tiny five letter word that has the power to make or break
relationships; end conflicts, restore faith; provide closure; incite
forgiveness and dispel egos.

So why is it so hard for some people to say?

There’s a vulnerability in apologising. When we apologise, we’re essentially
admitting that we’re not as infallible as we’d like others to think we are, or
in some cases as infallible as we’d like to think we
are.

Apologies can also sometimes be hard depending on who we’re supposed to
apologise to. People of a more hierarchical mindset will generally find it
difficult, if not impossible to say sorry to people they consider inferior to
themselves.  It’s why some adults, particularly those of a certain
age refuse to apologise to children, or adults who are many years younger than
themselves, even if an apology is warranted. It’s the same with some parents
who refuse to apologise to their children, even when those children are adults,
and some senior members of staff within organisations refuse to apologise to
their ‘subordinates’.

And let’s not forget entire nations who refuse to apologise for their crimes
against humanity.

There are people who generally believe that they never have anything to
apologise for, and even if they do, they won’t. Then there are those who are
convinced that they are self-aware and can identify their negative traits but
are unable or unwilling to acknowledge these negative traits to the person or
people they have wronged, so never apologise to anyone in a meaningful way.
They instead, resort to gaslighting or minimising the situation to avoid
accountability.

Saying sorry can be difficult but it’s necessary. Apologising is more than
just acknowledging that you were wrong. It’s an acknowledgment of how our
actions have negatively impacted another person. That acknowledgment is more
important than we may think.

When we refuse to apologise when we have wronged someone, we’re effectively
showing at best, our disrespect and at worst our disdain for them. We’re saying
that we have the right to treat people however we want and that we are above
reproach. We’re telling people that their feelings do not matter. Even if this
isn’t our intention and our inability to apologise is tied up in our pride, or
discomfort at admitting our faults, the outcome is the same.

There is an immaturity in being unable to not only accept but admit verbally
that we’ve messed up. We all mess up, it’s part of the human experience, but
how we handle this says a lot about our character. Those who are willing to
grow, mature, evolve and create meaningful connections will, regardless of how
uncomfortable it may make them feel at first, apologise and resolve to do
better. Those who avoid apologies tend to lack empathy and self-awareness which makes real growth and healthy relationships almost impossible.

Of course, there can be no apologies if there is no grace. That is not to
say that all apologies must be accepted, but there should sometimes, in some
circumstances be some understanding on the part of the wronged person. We are
not perfect beings and while we may not always understand exactly why someone
has behaved as they have, we can all identify with doing something wrong,
acting out of character, being thoughtless and the like. With this in mind, we
cannot expect apologies if we are going to constantly punish someone for
something they did in the past after they have apologised and made amends.
Doing so is cruel and obnoxious.

The point is, in this Age of Narcissism that we’re living in, we are
constantly being taught to put ourselves and our needs before others. ‘My
boundaries’; ‘My rights’; ‘My feelings’… And while it is right
and necessary to take care of ourselves, we mustn’t forget to also take care of
each other. The best way to do this is to acknowledge each other’s humanity
through respect and common courtesy.