I don’t like olives. That said, if I see someone eating them, I don’t label either the olives or the person eating them as problematic.

I don’t like discrimination. If I see or hear someone engaging in discriminatory language or behaviours I do see them as problematic and I will challenge them.

So what’s the difference between olives and discrimination? (!) Well, I’m unaware of anyone being hurt (mentally or physically), disadvantaged or ostracised (although sometimes shamed) for eating or not eating olives. Nor are there dedicated systems in place designed to ensure negative outcomes for olives eaters or non-olive eaters.

People who eat olives have a taste that differs from the tastes of people who don’t eat olives. People who exercise discriminatory behaviours and practices pose a threat to specific groups of people and society as a whole.

It’s important to know the difference but I don’t think many people do.

I recently had the misfortune of witnessing something that, not for the first time made me question where we are as a society. I can’t share exactly what I witnessed, but I can say that some people who, let’s say, really like olives attempted to publicly shame a chef who has no feelings about olives either way but was explaining – after being asked to – why they wouldn’t be adding olives to a particular recipe.

The chef explained that the recipe didn’t require olives and if added would change the taste of the meal – and not necessarily for the better. However, olives would be made available as a side accompaniment for those who wanted them.

The people who really like olives were not happy about this. However, they didn’t formulate a coherent response, nor did they suggest an alternative solution. Instead, they just publicly booed the chef.

Naturally, the chef was both confused and upset. Confused because they couldn’t understand what the olive eaters were upset about. Olives would be made available just not in the main dish. Upset because why be so public in their condemnation when the olive eaters could have just spoken to the chef privately in the kitchen?

This restaurant prides itself on being a ‘safe space’: a space free from discrimination, bullying and general nastiness and where people – customers and staff – can speak freely and openly (but respectfully of course) and where different ideas and opinions are welcomed.

Only this was kind of bullshit.

There was definitely a culture at the restaurant and while it was mostly quite a positive one, there was an unspoken rule that if you veered in any way from that culture it would be frowned upon at best. This in and of itself wasn’t a bad thing (although I suppose this depends on the kind of chef you are or the kind of food you like). The real problem was that, as is usually the case where cultures are present, there are always a few over-zealous types who take things too far. They’re the people who don’t know the difference between olives and discrimination.

For these people, refusing to include olives in the main dish deserved the same response as finding out a chef had been sacked because they were gay. In their minds, offering olives as a side dish discriminated against people who wanted olives in the main dish.

Or, to put it another way, they didn’t get what they wanted so decided that this was clearly an attack on them.

Some background about the chef and the meal:

The chef has over 20 years experience of preparing meals for a wide range of people. The chef has also attended culinary schools in multiple countries and has extensive knowledge of what works and what doesn’t regarding various meals. As previously mentioned, the chef has no strong feelings either way about olives but does feel strongly about making sure that their meals are as tasty as possible for as many people as possible while also understanding that everyone isn’t going to like or be able to eat everything that is prepared, so the chef caters for as many people as possible but is wise enough to know that they cannot cater for everyone.

The meal is a beloved and popular dish. In some countries olives are added, in some countries, they aren’t. The chef has found that in this country, olives are omitted as, generally speaking, people tend to complain that it takes away from the main flavour of the dish.

Some thoughts:

There’s a difference between genuine discrimination and oppression and not getting your way. Sometimes things won’t go your way and while it can be gut-wrenching it’s not always an attack, sometimes it’s just because what you’ve requested or what you would prefer can’t be catered for at that time or in that place.

To conflate discrimination and not getting your own way is to belittle and minimise actual instances of discrimination and oppression, which is not only insulting to those who have experienced/ are experiencing the latter but is also dangerous as it diverts time, resources and energy away from situations where real harm is at play.

Being an activist, social justice advocate and/or ally isn’t just about finger-pointing and screaming at others to ‘do the work’. You too have to do the work, to understand the issues but also to understand yourself – including your TRUE motives behind the work that you do. A first step might be to ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you GENUINELY care about making things better?
• Are you willing to make things better for everyone and not just advocate for the things that directly impact you?
• Are you using activism as a distraction from facing up to issues within your personal life?
• Is activism a way for you to position yourself above others to compensate for your feelings of inferiority?
• Are you solution-focused or is activism simply a way for you to complain without actually having to do anything about the problems?
• Are you deeply moved to make change or are you simply following the crowd?
• If no one knew what you were doing and/if your life was in genuine danger would you still be engaged with social justice work?
• Do you tend to bully/ control people and if so, is your involvement with activism an extension of this?
• Do you possess the strength to work towards bringing about change AND the empathy and patience required to change the hearts and minds of those who see things differently from you?
• Do you have the maturity to understand that everyone will not see things the way you do?
• Is your activism/ social justice work driven by your ego or a genuine unshakeable need to make things better for everyone?

There is no doubt that change in a variety of walks of life is desperately needed. Those of us who live in societies where we can openly organise, mobilise, and publicise our concerns be it through journalism, social media, protests, and the like are lucky to be able to do so, but we also have a responsibility to make sure we are doing it for the right reasons and with care. Behind the shouting, protesting and debating are human beings battling injustices every single day, some of which result in loss of dignity, freedom and life.  It might be worth keeping this in mind when contemplating crying ‘discrimination!’ about some olives.