Hi!

It’s been a minute since I’ve written anything. I’m sorry. I really wanted to write, trust me, I have loads to write about, but things have been… challenging to say the least.

To summarise, I left my job on Friday 31^st January and started a new job on Monday 3^rd February. The new job coincided with terrible toothache which had me completely reliant on co-codamol to get through each day before I could finally get a dentist appointment. Said appointment was – and I never use this word to describe my experiences even where it is probably warranted – traumatic. I mean, the dental assistant having to hold my head in one place because the dentist was pulling so hard, he almost broke my neck kind of traumatic. I left with a referral to hospital for them to finish what the serial killer dentist had started, and weeks of painful healing including a swollen jaw and another few weeks of continued co-codamol reliance. That same week I contracted one of the worst colds I’ve ever experienced, followed a few days after by, for what I can only assume was for shits and giggles, an early period. More recently I was left without a working fridge freezer for a week after it conked out and the insurance people decided to cancel the booked engineer visit ON THE DAY THE VISIT WAS SCHEDULED, prolonging the process of getting a new one. During all of this, I’ve been trying to find a new place to live, learning a new job, and experiencing a deterioration in my vision, all while still dealing with the breathlessness upon exertion I’ve been experiencing since my first (yes, first, because I had another one last September) Pulmonary Embolism in 2021). Then along comes April with all its continued political and economic bullshit, including eye-watering price increases for pretty much everything.

So yeah, I’ve been a bit preoccupied, and I would be lying if I said that I’m not emotionally, psychologically and spiritually exhausted.

And you probably are too.

If you’ve been feeling like everything is out of sorts and that not just you but the entire Country and maybe even the world feels like it’s in a weird, dark and oppressive place, rest assured that this feeling is not unique to you. There does appear to be a general malaise at the moment with many of us experiencing a fatigue that surpasses the physical, and intense feelings of anger, frustration and despair that are further compounded by the fact that we have no where for these feelings to go because the systems and people behind them responsible for creating these feelings are inaccessible, and our concerns are falling on deaf ears.

I can’t say for sure, but it feels like we’re in a period of transition. Things are changing. Transitions are often uncomfortable at best, and bloody painful at worst and while things have been awful for many years now, we may be in the final stages which are always more challenging. The change I think we’re experiencing is a system change and I think our collective malady maybe based in something called ‘hypernormalisation’.

The term ‘hypernormalisation’ was coined by Alexei Yurchak in his book ‘Everything is forever until it is no more: The last Soviet Generation’ in relation to life in the Soviet Union during the 70s and 80s. The system was failing at this time yet everyone, – politicians and citizens – unable to imagine an alternative system simply pretended that everything was fine even though it clearly wasn’t. The pretence eventually reached a point where people were no longer pretending and the idea that everything was fine became the new normal, or as Yurchak named it, ‘hypernormalisation’. The first mass ‘fake it ’til you make it’ I guess.

A documentary of the same name explores hypernormalisation in more detail as it pertained to the rest of the world during this time and beyond. The documentary is, as of the date of writing, available on BBC iPlayer (BBC, I know! Urgh!) but I cannot recommend this documentary enough, especially if you have even a passing interest in sociology, politics, economics and/or history and how choices made in the past are affecting us now. (Rumour has ‘Hypernormalisation’ may be available to view on YouTube too, but you didn’t hear that from me!)

The power shift from politicians to bankers/financiers is clearly outlined during this documentary and it may be that now another power shift – from bankers/financiers to technology – is taking place and we may be experiencing our own period of hypernormalisation; one where despite the cost of living making zero financial sense (unless you are part of the super-rich), the steady rise of the far-right, the annihilation of key elements of society such as education, healthcare and social services, many of us are still clinging to some sense of normalcy even though nothing about how we’re being forced to live now is normal, and we’re experiencing complex feelings and constant mood shifts as a result. Those of us having a hard time pretending will I’m afraid suffer a little more because despite our attempts to disassociate from the situation, we are constantly reminded that our attempts at normalising this mess are futile.

Now, of course I could be wrong and this whole diatribe might be something I’ve cooked up in my mind to cope with feelings and situations that are unique to me.

But I doubt it.

Even if I’m wrong about hypernormalisation, clearly something is going on. For how many more years are the working class, people with disabilities, children and the elderly going to be punished socially and economically just for existing?  For how many more years are we going to be crying about how both mortgages and rents are unattainable for most people? How long will it be before Trump, the people pulling his strings and their little fanboys and fangirls around the world revoke every single societal advancement people fought and died for?

When feeling overwhelmed by it all, the coach in me remembers the ‘Circle of Control’ and I remind myself that getting upset about things I can’t control is a useless and potentially dangerous endeavour. That said, I’m finding that many of the things that are outside of my – and most people’s – control are increasingly affecting us personally. Take Thames Water for example. Thames Water pissed away all the money we’ve been paying in bills to increase the wealth of their shareholders instead of using the money for its intended purpose – to fix and maintain the water systems. The decision to do that was and is beyond our control. The fact that many of us have seen an increase in our water bills as a result and we’re now drinking and bathing in each other’s piss and shit, is still beyond our control but it affects us directly, both biologically and financially.

We’re essentially being put at risk then made financially responsible for decisions we didn’t make and that are completely out of our control while those who are responsible for mismanaging the situation remain unscathed, and in some cases are even rewarded for their ineptitude with things like bonuses and promotions.

And Thames Water is only one of many organisations where this is the case.

That, ladies, gents and no-binary peeps, might be one of the reasons why we are feeling the pressure right now. Since 2008 – and maybe even before – we’ve been held financially accountable for other people’s mistakes.

It’s a difficult pill to swallow yet one we’ve been required to swallow over and over again. As an older working-class millennial, I can tell you that as a generation, our whole adult lives have been spent paying for other people’s greed and it’s has been detrimental to the professional and financial development of many of us.

This is the part where I tell you that it’s okay though. Everything will be fine if you just…

I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that. I have no idea how things will pan out. I don’t know if things will pan out. When I was younger, I changed my name to Imani. It means ‘faith’ and it was apt because regardless of what was going on in my life (and many many things had happened, mostly before the aged of 25) I always had faith that things would work out. My faith has since been tested on many occasions and continues to be greatly challenged. I’m clinging on for dear life, but I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been increasingly difficult.

While I can’t reassure you, I can attempt to both cheer you up and inspire you by sharing ‘Emotionally Farting’ with you. It’s a list of some of the things we can do when feeling overwhelmed. Have a read and think of other things that you can add to the list.

In the meantime, just know that if you are feeling overwhelmed by everything at the moment, you aren’t alone. Everything is wonky and a bit shit right now but you’re resilient even if you don’t feel like you are. You will get through this – maybe with a few scratches and scars – but you will make it to the other side. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others and don’t let the bastards get you down!