Oh God, this was a challenging year and I know it’s not quite over yet, but I’m already over it, so as I dig out my baseball bat, sharpen my knife set, and brush up on my martial arts in preparation for whatever fresh Hell 2026 has in store, here are 10 things I’ve learned this year that you might find helpful going forward:

The man selling gone off meat from his van doesn’t deserve you

You know when people say ‘not everyone deserves your energy? It’s true, they really don’t, so it’s okay to pull it back if it’s not being received correctly. I had this view that I should be myself no matter what, but I’ve since learned that there are some situations where you should be less of yourself. This isn’t about making yourself small or trying to fit in, it’s about acknowledging your value.

Most people wouldn’t wear a £2 million necklace to go shopping in Tesco. They’d rather wear that necklace to an event where it can be safely showcased and where its beauty and value will be appreciated. Our energy is far more valuable than a £2 million necklace so sharing the best and most valuable parts of ourselves with the equivalent of some dude knowingly selling unpacked rancid meat from the back of a van is ridiculous. I’d rather save the best of me for those who appreciate it.

Minor setbacks are shitty, but they won’t break you

(see Back to square one)

The deepest connections are sometimes fleeting

I met someone this year who I was immediately drawn to. They seemed so sweet, funny, and genuine and I thought we’d be friends. We’re not. I don’t know why. It seemed like we were heading that way at first then…Nothing. We’re not sworn enemies or anything – well not on my part anyway – their energy just changed and they became a bit cold and standoffish. I wondered if I’d done or said something to upset them but given that we didn’t speak very often, I couldn’t think of anything. I was really sad and confused about it at first. It felt like a huge loss even though I barely knew this person, but then I remembered that some people enter our lives to teach us something about ourselves and their presence isn’t always meant to be permanent. I did learn multiple things about myself during our brief encounters, and I really enjoyed the little time I spent with  them, so despite not having the desired outcome, I think it still counts as a positive experience.

Maybe let people doomscroll in peace

Life right now is a shit show, and you already know this, so I won’t belabour the point. That said, with everything being as oppressive as it is, having some kind of outlet is essential. Writing is, and has always been mine and never have I been more grateful for it than this year. So many things have happened – good and bad – and being able to work through them by writing has helped me immensely. 

I think some people see having a hobby, passion or pastime as yet another thing they have to do on top of everything else but, for me anyway, not only is it something I look forward to doing but also something that leaves me feeling really good after it’s done, regardless of whether I decide to share what I’ve written or not.

That said, not having an outlet can also be an outlet. I worry sometimes that people are pressured into doing things when they’d rather not. People cry about how scrolling for hours is a terrible thing, but if that’s what helps a person decompress and it’s not becoming a problem who are we to comment? What I’m saying is I think it’s important to have something in your life that can take your mind off the not-so-great things happening all over the world right now.

Having a crush at (age redacted) is diabolical!

My main goal for 2025 was to not die. My plan was to take my meds, attend my medical appointments and hope for the best. At no point did romance factor into any of my plans for the year. So, imagine my shock when at *coughs* years old I found myself fully crushing on someone.

In my defence, it wasn’t my fault. I was minding my own business, high on co-codamol thanks to a dodgy tooth extraction, and the man entered my orbit being all fine and nice.

Having a crush as a teenager and having a crush when you’re three or four years younger than Methuselah are two very different experiences. When you’re young you’re full of naivety (the good kind) and chutzpah. When you have one foot in the grave, you’re full of confusion, fear, and medication: “Why is this happening?” “Oh God, I hope he doesn’t know!” “Did I take my meds today?” It’s just so weird.

To be fair, I’m not that old (he’s actually closer in age to Methuselah than I am, although he doesn’t look it) but it was still odd. Most people I know of a similar age are either unhappily married or divorced and vowing to stay single until it’s time to meet their maker, and then there was me, happily single, distracted with thoughts of my own mortality then, out of nowhere I get smacked in the face with a crush on some random dude, a dude who couldn’t be further from my usual type I might add. Madness!

Anyway, I suppose the lesson (because there’s always a friggin’ lesson!) is to be open to new experiences and blah blah blah… Nope, it’s still weird!

That painful, unresolved thing that you’ve buried will pop up again

Some of us have that one thing, that thing that evokes strong and painful feelings (rage, fear, hurt…). We avoid working on it because it’s too painful and complicated to deal with. Well, this year, my thing, the thing I had buried in the deepest depths of Hell, found its way back to the surface and I’ve had no choice but to start to confront it. I really don’t want to, but I don’t have a choice, the universe or whatever, seemingly sick of my shit has decided to shove it down my throat.

So, the moral of the story is that you really can’t run from your feelings and issues. You might get a headstart, but that bitch will catch up with you eventually!

Sometimes people build cages around you then get upset when you try to escape

It doesn’t matter how much work you do on yourself, you’ll never be able to account for other people. If someone decides that they want to, at best humble you and at worst destroy you, they’ll attempt to do it regardless.

This was possibly the most valuable lesson I learned this year. My head has been on a swivel ever since an incident occurred that reminded me that once people decide where they think you should be based solely on their own prejudices, shortcomings, and lack of knowledge and interest in who you are as a person, they will place you in a cage of their making and any and every attempt on your part to escape will be viewed as you not knowing your place.

As infuriating as it was, it was the reminder I needed that being curious, assertive and proactive are (unfortunately) still, in the minds of some, qualities that people of a certain class, gender or race or with disabilities or impairments shouldn’t concern themselves with.

Same shit, different era.

Parasites have no place in your circle

My circle is tiny, especially after ‘The Great Purge’ of 2023/24 where I very intentionally dropped the so-called ‘friends’ who were very parasitic in nature in that they attached themselves to me, took everything on offer but gave nothing in return. They were draining so they had to go. Now I have a wonderful circle of people who I trust and who show up for me as I do for them. There’s reciprocity, support, care and trust and I now feel comfortable reaching out in a way that I didn’t before.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to surround yourself with the right people. Life is challenging enough without having miserable, selfish, unsupportive people draining you of your energy and happiness. Having known someone for a long time isn’t a good enough reason to stay friends with them if they bring nothing of value to the relationship. That said, we also need to check ourselves and ensure that we’re giving as much to the relationship as we hope to receive. There’s a lot of talk about how terrible other people are but fewer admissions of our own shortcomings.

And yes, it can be more challenging to make new friends as you get older but it’s not impossible. Actually, it can be a little bit easier because age and experience can provide more clarity as to what you want and need from a friendship and what you are able to give.

Sometimes we need to shut up

At a time when we’re encouraged to share our feelings, be it in therapy, with our friends or on social media, the art of shutting up is rare but, sometimes, it’s something we really need to do.

There are times when this is obvious, like for example, the many times this year I have refrained from telling certain people which part of their mother’s dusty hole they can shove their head into (Tell me you’re of Caribbean descent without telling me you’re of Caribbean descent!). But there are other times when, even when you’re right you should still sometimes stay quiet, even if it’s just temporarily.

Aside from the breathing space you create for yourself that will allow you to process what you’ve heard and prepare a response; your silence also forces the other person or people to reflect too. Depending on what’s been said and how, they may have expected – or even tried to provoke – a particular type of response, so it’s especially important to stay quiet if you know you won’t be able to respond calmly and need more time to gather your thoughts.

Shutting up isn’t just reserved for conflict. Everyone doesn’t need to know everything about you. You don’t need to share everything you’re doing or going to do, or everything you’re thinking or feeling. “Says the woman who blogs about her experiences!” I hear you cry. I blog about some of my experiences and try not to go into too much detail when doing so would be unnecessary. I also don’t write publicly about everything going on with me. I have a journal for that! The point is, knowledge is power and some people will use that power against you. Not everyone is your friend so for your own emotional, mental and even sometimes physical and spiritual safety, be selective about what you share and who you share it with.

‘Imani’ was a good choice

I know we’re living in a time of misanthropy where human interactions are seen as a hindrance. I know we’re in a place where some people feel more comfortable conversing with AI then with other humans. And I know that it’s harder to meet people now given the lack of ‘third spaces’, money, and time, but based on my own experiences and my unwillingness to give up on humanity just yet, I really believe that there are some truly wonderful people out there if you take the time to look.

I’ve met a bunch of amazing people this year, many of whom have had a profound impact on my own growth and development and all of whom have restored my somewhat jaded view of people. I’ve met some shitty people too, but even those interactions have been useful in one way or another.

I think I mentioned before in another post that at one point I was going to legally change my name to Imani which means ‘faith’ because I’ve always had faith that things will work out. Sadly, I think I have less faith as I’ve got older, but there’s still a glimmer here and there, and it’s nice when that glimmer is confirmed in my interactions with others.

Give people a chance, not everyone is a dipshit.

Happy New Year when it comes!