The best day this February is nearly upon us and I’m so excited!

It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s understandable, but I can’t wait. It’s a fun time that makes me feel all tingly inside – especially at night.

I already have plans. Chocolates and wine will be involved, and popcorn, and blankets…

And some of my besties will be around: Mike, Sadako, Jason, little Damien, Freddie, and for comic relief, Chucky…

Oh yeah, I am so ready for Friday 13^th!

It’s a time to remember that even the most depraved horror films (of which there are many) cannot compare to the real-life horrors that are currently playing out every day all around the world. Escaping these horrors through films gives us a slight break.

And, for me anyway, it’s good for my mental health. It’s cathartic to see someone get bludgeoned to death while imagining that it’s me doing the bludgeoning and the person on the receiving end is someone I loathe.

I’m just playing. I don’t like gory horror films. I prefer my enemies to be dealt with by karma like, maybe someone is driving a truck carrying building materials including a pane of glass. Upon leaving the truck, the driver accidentally and unknowingly releases the hand break. The truck goes careering down an alley, headed straight for a person, but the truck crashes into some concrete or something, so it doesn’t hit the person, but the impact of the crash causes the pane of glass to slide off the truck at speed, slicing off the head of said person, like in ‘The Omen’.

He he!

Anyway, apparently there’s something happening the day after, on the 14th? I’m not totally sure of the details, but apparently it involves people buying gifts for, and spending time with people they love, like, or just want to f-

They say the day is a celebration of love, and along with endless pictures of hearts, this day is also depicted with images of fat babies wielding bows and arrows and threatening to shoot people. I dunno, that seems a little aggressive to me. Killer babies randomly puncturing people on a day that’s supposed to be a celebration of love? It’s giving Friday the 13th energy to be honest.

February 14th appears to be quite a polarising day, with some people so desperate to join in with the festivities that some single people will literally find a body – anybody – to be with on the day so they can participate, and spouses and people in committed relationships threaten all kinds of emotional damage to their person if said person doesn’t go through the required pageantry of the day.

On the other hand, there are people who refuse to participate at all, stating that it’s simply commercialised nonsense.

Neither group seems concerned about the tooled up, homicidal babies.

As I said, I don’t know too much about *checks notes* Val-en-tine’s Day, that’s what it’s called apparently, but I do know that a day spent celebrating love, be it romantic, familial, or platonic sounds nice given that genuine love seems to be in short supply these days.

I mean, the celebration of love shouldn’t be reduced to just one day, but given that we’re humans and therefore stupid, myopic and dangerous, baby steps might be the way to go. We’ll start with one day a year then maybe, in like, 4-5 thousand years, we’ll be celebrating it all year round.

In the meantime, if you’re celebrating, then have a lovely day. If you’re boycotting, then “Workers of the world unite!”. If you’re indifferent, then ‘meh’. If you’d like to participate but you’re too shy, then in the words of Nike: “Just do it!”. If you’re sad because you want to participate but don’t have a Val-en-tine then let me share something with you that might make you feel better:

You see your booed up friends and family? They’re cute and all, but no matter how cute they are, how long they’ve been together, how perfect their lives may look, these couples will never

Ever

EVER

Be as perfect, cool, and committed as Morticia and Gomez Addams! The Addams’s are true relationship goals!

Happy Friday 13th when it comes 😁