A long time ago I started a new job at an international charity. My first day coincided with the team away day which was great because it meant I got to meet the team in a semi formal environment.

I remember enjoying the day. Everyone was lovely and I felt good about the team and my (temporary) future there.

There was this one person though…

She vaguely grunted a ‘hello’ then proceeded to say nothing to anyone for the rest of the day.

I didn’t take it personally because it was clear that she (I’ll call her ‘Ella’) wasn’t angry with me per se, she just didn’t want to be there. Something had clearly happened prior to my arrival.

I worked at that place for a year, and Ella left not long before I did. During that time she’d come in every day, do her job (which she was brilliant at by the way) then leave. She said nothing to no one within our team, except for one person and later, me.

I liked her a lot. She was damn good at her job, funny and kind. But she wanted nothing to do with our other colleagues and d’you know what?

They let her be.

They didn’t force her to speak to them; they didn’t ask her to engage more with the team. I know some of them would have liked her to, but I suppose, since she was doing her job, and doing it well, they accepted the situation for what it was.

In a perfect world, conversations would have taken place and a different way forward would have been explored to make Ella feel heard and understood without her having to resort to such drastic action. Perhaps this did happen before my arrival but it didn’t work, I don’t know. What I do know was Ella was done.

When Ella left, we all signed a card for her. If I remember correctly, she didn’t come in on her last day. I imagine the card was posted to her.

Then promptly tossed straight into the bin.

I think about Ella a lot. I had and still have so much respect for her.  

She didn’t owe us a smile or good vibes. Ella detached from the people who had upset her which is a very normal thing to do.

There were no fake smiles and forced conversations from her. I appreciate people like this. Authentic people who are not confined by optics or a desperate need to fit in or be liked.

You know where you stand with people like this.

No games. No bullshit.

Ella eventually told me what had happened. I understood why she was angry. There were some other things that upset her too. For example, she was upset on my behalf about the way someone in the team regularly spoke to me.

It was nice that someone else had noticed this person’s nastiness and was not only disgusted by it but actively pulled me aside to make sure I was okay. 

Most people don’t do that.

I think Ella had a strong sense of justice which I’ve found seems to be very common amongst most authentic people. A strong sense of justice and an inability to be disingenuous. She didn’t want to ‘play nice’ with the people who’d upset her. What would be the point? They already knew how she felt so why pretend?

And in return, everyone let her be.

Because we don’t owe people a good mood, good vibes or a welcoming smile, especially when they’ve done everything possible to ruin our peace.

People like Ella have always been rare but are even more so now where, there is a weird sense of entitlement to all aspects of a person.

Long gone are the days when you could just do your job and leave. Now employers demand your positivity and ‘sunny disposition’ while actively doing everything to destroy it.

Even outside of offices filled with fake smiles people are expected to give more than is fair.

Chappel Roan, a singer I’m too old to know or care about, evoked much emotion from fans when she supposedly said that when not performing she doesn’t owe anything to fans who approach her.

Justin Bieber is quoted as saying:

“I don’t owe anybody a picture. And people who say ‘but I bought your album’ know that you got my album and you got what you paid for – AN ALBUM! It doesn’t say in the fine print whenever you see me you also get a photo”.

And singer and actress Lea Salonga supposedly said:

“The money you pay for a theatre/concert ticket does not mean all access. You pay for the performers art and that’s where it stops”

They are all correct.

And in the case of Bieber who from childhood has been inappropriately manhandled by both child fans and creepy old women alike, he has every right to protect himself.

Because this is really what it’s about.

Protection.

Protecting your light from those trying to extinguish it.

You don’t have to be a celebrity for people to feel entitled to your energy and entitled to bask in the light it emits.

And you don’t have to play the game.

Ella didn’t.

Justin didn’t.

Chappel and Lea don’t.

And I’m sure they’re all doing just fine.

Humans are not meant to be consumed.

We shouldn’t be required to smile in the face of disrespect or contribute to behaviours that value insincerity, cowardice and the illusion of control over and above all else simply because some people lack the courage, skills and confidence necessary to move through the world authentically.

It’s not our job to protect the comfort and fragile egos of narcissists and the like by pretending all is well.

If they’re willing to cause discomfort, then they should be willing to sit in it.

And if good vibes are what we naturally embody then we have the right to retract that part of ourselves from people and environments where such traits are neither reciprocated, appreciated or protected.

Because it’s a gift to receive genuine good energy from others, not a right.

We owe it to ourselves to refuse to feed the vultures whose entire survival requires them to feed off the good energies that they are either unwilling or unable to produce themselves.